Thursday, April 26, 2007

next time, pay for your own damned lunch!

my friends have weird eating habits. mostly involves shoving every
morsel of food they can find into their mouths before anyone else
does. >_< Erm... before i bitch about them about that, lemme bitch
about them another way. this is roughly what happened. the girls
declare a party to celebrate something noone's yet sure of. apparently
everyone chips in. i arrive at the scene, double the food fund,
everyone orders. i don't get my apple juice, everyone's done with lunch. and as usual everyone disperses. >_< no
"that was fun" or "thank you for lunch" or anything! i had to squeeze
out a goodbye out of most everyone. >_< really pissed me off, that.
even the worst dates I've been on have ended with an appreciation for
my buying lunch or whatever.
what sucked even more was that i didn't get my apple juice. T_T not
much place for me over there with 3 heads fighting for room enough to be able to sip something from the straws stuck into that tiny
thing. >_< bleh. last time i'm sponsoring so much food for them. <_<

I'm done bitching. I'm safely back at home, and sipping on a lytchee cremosa. :)

Monday, April 23, 2007

Virtual Insanity

This is what sleep deprivation did to me last time. >_< I'm taurius1.




taurius1                i hate people who dont call up when they say they would. >_<

taurius1                which kinda includes most of the friends i know personally. >_<

krystal-chan          i hate ppl who dont call up for weeks more

taurius1                im kinda used to it

DarkAlchemist      lol

taurius1                i stopped expecting my friends to keep in toch

krystal-chan          weeks i ask you

DarkAlchemist      I don't really have many friends

DarkAlchemist      And those i do i have like hardly any of their phone numbers

taurius1                for some wierd reason, none ever feels like calling me up to check up on me or whatever >_<


krystal-chan          awww

krystal-chan          i get death threats if i dnt cal up or retunr calls in a day

taurius1                oh well.. their loss.

DarkAlchemist      lol

krystal-chan          which i do mostly

taurius1                hehe

taurius1                cute

krystal-chan          heh

DarkAlchemist      But you see no-one ever calls me or texts me or wants me to call or text either

taurius1                happens, DA

taurius1                don't let it get to your head >_<

krystal-chan donot want ur best bud from college yelling ta the other end of the phone at work

DarkAlchemist      Unless they need pc help

krystal-chan          thats all i hve to say

taurius1                @ DA i know what you mean

taurius1                hehe

DarkAlchemist      I have two friends who want me for my pc expertise

krystal-chan          but it has itsdownside

krystal-chan          really?

                            taurius1 applauds as krys takes her seat

                            -> Hito has joined animestan

DarkAlchemist      as in want me to sort out their pcs cos a) they are too dumb b) too lazy c) both

krystal-chan          lol

taurius1                really what? and what has it's downsides?

DarkAlchemist      and they are both guys

krystal-chan          really they call you for pc help

DarkAlchemist      that's the downside

taurius1                wel... leave them as they are for a while.

                            Legato sets user mode +v: Hito may now speak if the room is moderated

taurius1                go find something else to do <_<

krystal-chan          downsides - ur friend will call up to tell you ur ex is now roaming around with the class slut

DarkAlchemist      Problem is I have nothing else to do

taurius1                i stopped helpin people who don't need me for anything else. >_<

taurius1                lollzzz

krystal-chan          its not smthing u want to hear on a monday morning

DarkAlchemist      lol krys

taurius1                @ Krys cheer up. we're here for you

krystal-chan          its their way of "helping you move on"

DarkAlchemist      I've never really had a gf so I don't really know what to say about that happening

krystal-chan          hope it never happens to you

taurius1                most kids in the college i go to are too scared of hooking up with anyone, so that kind of thing doesnt happen to me any more >_<

DarkAlchemist      well i don't care

krystal-chan          becoz even though its no fault of ours, you end up feeling like a worm

DarkAlchemist      if i break up

DarkAlchemist      it's over

taurius1                DA.. when you've invested your emotions in someone... caring for them and stuff...

taurius1                there's no way you can simply declare that "it's over"

krystal-chan          yeah

DarkAlchemist      (krystal-chan): he obviously went to the class slut for easier sex which means he sucks as a guy

krystal-chan          it takes time

taurius1                you're probably gonna think of it for as long as you live.

krystal-chan          DA: i know. but it still hurts

krystal-chan          tauri: nah

krystal-chan          im over it

taurius1                unless you develop some psychopathic mental block

krystal-chan          it took me one whole year to acually get past him

krystal-chan          but im srsly thru with itnow

taurius1                getting over someone is fine

DarkAlchemist      If I did that with every bad experience I would be stuck in my room needing psychiatric help

taurius1                but you never reach a point when you totally forget someone

                            <- sl33py has disconnected (Quit: :[)

taurius1                @ DA. i manage without the psychiatric help

krystal-chan          tauri: yes but you do manage to put them away


taurius1                yeah

taurius1                i do

DarkAlchemist      You will never totally forget the bad but I manage to block it out most of the time

krystal-chan          i mean there's a time when you can listen to ├Âur"song again without breaking down

taurius1                it took me 4~5 years to get over me 1st crush

taurius1                the next time, i was better prepared >_<

taurius1                oh yeah..

krystal-chan          hahhaha

taurius1                the song..

krystal-chan          yuss the song

taurius1                i still dont have the courage to listen to it

krystal-chan          the song is what kills you

taurius1                even after 6 years. >_<

krystal-chan          the song is the measure of how over you are

taurius1                it's lying in some corner of my PC

taurius1                away from where my media sniffer can find it

DarkAlchemist      I suppose I should be happy this hasn't happened to me so far

taurius1                so it doesnt accidentally play

taurius1                >_<

taurius1                @ DA not relaly

                            krystal-chan hugles tauri

taurius1                it's fun caring for someone, and having someone to care for you

krystal-chan          DA: its intoxicating

taurius1                for the good times and the bad

                            taurius1 huggles krys back

krystal-chan          even while ure feeling like shit

krystal-chan          you enjoy it

                            taurius1 nods

DarkAlchemist      I guess

krystal-chan          sounds masochist but its not

krystal-chan          its just silly

krystal-chan          hahahaha

                            taurius1 nods

taurius1                its not masochistic.

Hito                      ok wtf?

krystal-chan          oh gawd im getting all mush-gushy

taurius1                hey Hito

taurius1                you finally speak!

Hito                      I enjoy a good emo once in a while

Hito                      but...

taurius1                had a good time? *winks*

krystal-chan          aLanguage paduan

krystal-chan          oh fuck

krystal-chan          i need to sleep

taurius1                hehe

krystal-chan          gotta wake up early


taurius1                good night, krys.

taurius1                happy shopping

krystal-chan          well gnite gentlemen

DarkAlchemist      nite

Hito                      sleep is for pussies

taurius1                yeah!

krystal-chan          Saankyu

taurius1                stay awake now

taurius1                sleep when you're dead!

Hito                      bye pussy


krystal-chan          thus spoke the uber -CUTE hito-CHAN

Hito                      damm u

taurius1                huhu :E


DarkAlchemist      so hito what brings you here?

krystal-chan          fufuffu

Hito                      boredom

taurius1                he was taking care of business

Hito                      as usual

krystal-chan          he came so you could admire his fluffy cuteness

                            taurius1 brings Htio his Bunny Slippers and Bubble Pipe

krystal-chan          ne hito-CHAN

taurius1                *Hito

                            krystal-chan ties a pink sash arounf Hito-chan's neck

krystal-chan          awwwww

krystal-chan          you look ADORABLE

DarkAlchemist      is he that cute?

                            taurius1 tries not to giggle too much

Hito                      ...

krystal-chan          yuss

Hito                      damm u all

krystal-chan          i can safely say hes even cuter than DD

Hito                      I AM MANLY!!

taurius1                so says the man dresses in pink

deathdemon          hito is a man?

                            krystal-chan sniggers

krystal-chan          there there Hito-CHAn

taurius1                all you need now is a towl wraped on your head after your shower

deathdemon          LOL

krystal-chan          Be careful! you might soil ur booties

taurius1                *dressed

deathdemon          HAHA

taurius1                not booties... bunny slippers!

Hito                      I hate u all so very much

krystal-chan          aawwwww

taurius1                @ Hito we love you too

Hito                      But I hate you

krystal-chan          His royal Cuteness is feeling a bit cranky

DarkAlchemist      lol

krystal-chan          DD: what shall we do?

DarkAlchemist      Hito link me to a pic of you

Hito                      -_-

deathdemon          how about we call him cute to cheer him up?

DarkAlchemist      I need to see if he really is cute

krystal-chan          deathdemon: you're ABSOLUTELY right

                            <- krystal-chan was kicked from animestan by Legato (Reason: Turn caps lock OFF!)

                            -> krystal-chan has joined animestan

                            Legato sets user mode +v: krystal-chan may now speak if the room is moderated

krystal-chan          heh

deathdemon          ^_^

Hito                      this does not bother me anymore

                            krystal-chan rechristens Hito-chan as Cutey-chan

Hito                      so u can go to hell

Hito                      WTF!!

krystal-chan          Kawaii-chan

deathdemon          YUSSSSSS

DarkAlchemist      ...

Hito                      does not bother me

Hito                      ...

deathdemon          cutey-chyaaaaannn!!

krystal-chan          Kawaii-chan!!!!

Hito                      at all

taurius1                kawaiii!!!!

krystal-chan          Kawaii Kawaii cutey-chan!

deathdemon          cuety cutey cutey chan!!

krystal-chan          lovely lovely cutey-CHAN!!!

Hito                      -_-

deathdemon          kawaii kawaii cutey chaan!

Hito                      u bored people u

krystal-chan          pink pink Cutey-chan!

                            deathdemon slaps bunny ears on hito

DarkAlchemist      So where is the female cutey for the chan

                            krystal-chan presents Hito-chan

DarkAlchemist      lmfao

krystal-chan          what do you mean 'where'?

deathdemon          AWWWWW.... cho chweeeeet

deathdemon          ^__^

Hito                      ...

taurius1                OMg

krystal-chan          the Chan cutey is right here

Hito                      I am a female now

                            krystal-chan points at hito-chan

taurius1                i got the perfect theme song for Hito

DarkAlchemist      it's ok hito chan covers both bases


DarkAlchemist      LMFAO

Hito                      why the fuck are u doing this

krystal-chan          cos ure soooooooooooooooo kawaii

deathdemon          ROFLMAO

Hito                      ...

                            krystal-chan pulls Hito-chan's cheeks

taurius1                o/~ you're my honey bun, sugar puff, cumpy-umpy-yumpkin...

krystal-chan          you cutey-chan you!

taurius1                hehe

deathdemon          wait,why ARE we doing this?

Hito                      YES

                            taurius1 gags DD

Hito                      why??

deathdemon          did he upload a pic or something?

krystal-chan          deathdemon: cos we feel like it

deathdemon          *GACK*

Hito                      I did nothing

deathdemon          ahhh

taurius1                Hito..

deathdemon          well in that case let us continue

taurius1                there's only one reason we're doing this

krystal-chan          Shweeto

taurius1                it's because you.

krystal-chan          chweeto-chan

Hito                      you hate me

krystal-chan          arre na

krystal-chan          we lurve ou chweeto-chan

taurius1                yeah

taurius1                we love you so much

deathdemon          awww don be so gloomy kawaii-chyan

krystal-chan          ne minna?

Hito                      omfg!

deathdemon          hai!

krystal-chan          hai!

                            krystal-chan sprinkles glitter over Chweeto-chan's hair

Hito                      well

krystal-chan          there!

deathdemon          O___O

taurius1                Hito, if i had your number, you know what im gonna be setting as my ringtone now, don't you?

deathdemon          ROFL!!

Hito                      I thought it was over

krystal-chan          now you're kawaii and Sparkly

Hito                      ...

krystal-chan          you're uber cute!

taurius1                omg

Hito                      this is not funny anymore

taurius1                i can just imagine a sulking hito

deathdemon          sho shweeeeeeeet

taurius1                dressed in a pink baby dress

Hito                      wtf!!!

taurius1                and bunny slippers

krystal-chan          with glitter

taurius1                with a pink ribon

krystal-chan          awwww

krystal-chan          AWWWWW


                            <- deathdemon was kicked from animestan by Legato (Reason: Turn caps lock OFF!)

                            -> deathdemon has joined animestan

                            Legato sets user mode +v: deathdemon may now speak if the room is moderated

Hito                      you people are SICK!!

taurius1                and us running around in circles around him

krystal-chan          AWWWWWW

deathdemon          O_o

taurius1                throwing giltter in the air

Hito                      what in the HELL!!

deathdemon          us running around in circles...?

taurius1                its a perfect anime scene!

taurius1                yeah

krystal-chan          that is sooooo sweet

taurius1                runnig aroud him

taurius1                throwin glitter around from our glitter bags

taurius1                celebrating his cuteness

krystal-chan          ehehehehe


deathdemon          lolz

krystal-chan          XD

Hito                      I have died

krystal-chan          oh damn

Hito                      bye

krystal-chan          i gtg

taurius1                hehe

taurius1                good night, krys

                            <- Ryu has disconnected (Quit: .•«UPP»•.)

taurius1                have fun

deathdemon          aww man

krystal-chan          night night

deathdemon          and it was just getting fun

krystal-chan          i will

deathdemon          night amy

krystal-chan          night dd

                            taurius1 wipes tear from eye

krystal-chan          night hito-chan, ma kawaii angel

Hito                      yea nite u hag

                            krystal-chan laughs evilly

deathdemon          ^_________^

                            deathdemon joins in

                            <- krystal-chan has disconnected (Quit: )

deathdemon          BUHAHAHAHA!

                            <- deathdemon was kicked from animestan by Legato (Reason: Turn caps lock OFF!)

                            -> deathdemon has joined animestan

                            Legato sets user mode +v: deathdemon may now speak if the room is moderated

deathdemon          not had that much fun for quite a while

taurius1                hehe


taurius1                @ DD no?

Hito                      it was not fun

taurius1                i have fun like this all the time

deathdemon          heh

deathdemon          aww dont worry cutey-chan

deathdemon          we'll put more glitter on u tomorrow

Hito                      dude pls dont call me that

deathdemon          once amy's back

deathdemon          hehe aight hito sry

Hito                      It distrubs me very much

taurius1                this is going on me blog ^_^



Disclaimer: The only girl to ever appear in this conversation is krystal-chan. Hito's case is still being considered.

Monday, April 16, 2007

In Search Of That Elusive Someone...

Have you ever felt like you were means for better things? Like you're always trying to find that someone special... and on meeting that someone. Your entire life will work out and everything will just fit... The end of years of hapless efforts of talking to people and building relationships that don't quite give you the emotional payback you're expecting or looking for...

Countless hour spent doing stuff with people that you'd really not rather do, given any other circumstances... All those times spent idly doing what everyone else is doing, not coz you enjoy it, but coz you have nothing better to do... might sound pathetic, but that's how it usually always is. People might not admit it, but most of then do stuff only coz everyone else is doing it. >_<

It's hard finding someone who matches your wavelength. It's even tougher to hold onto them. Most people don't know a good thing when they have it. Sometimes, even I don't. :( I can't even begin to count the number of times I've lost touch with some awesome friends coz one (or both) of up was too lazy to keep in touch. :( I'm seeing the effects of that now. Losing contact with most of my school friends has made me realise that it takes years to forge good relationships. Even when two people "click", they're still gonna take quite a bit of time to trust each other completely. As far as I know, there's only two things that can bring two people closer together... time and traumatising experiences. So I guess the next time I wanna get a girl to like me, I either spend all my waking hours with her. Or we jump off a cliff together. ^_^ *sigh* If only things were just as simple. :(

I should be studying more and thinking less about my friends now, my parents say. What they say does make sense. But I've grown up valuing companionship. There's nothing more fulfilling that the feeling of knowing someone's there to comfort you and share your life with you... The good times and the bad. I guess that's how I'd define my crushes. Any time I start romantically liking someone, I start imagining myself doing stuff with them... Going for long driver together, swimming in the ocean before the sun sets. Walking down the beach in the moonlight. Eating marshmallow in a blanket in front of a warm fire. Long phone conversations going on well into the night. Singing our favorite songs together in our off key voices. :P

I keep thinking of this one song... It's called "Someone".
The lyrics go like,
"Someone to hold you tight,
someone to make you feel alright.
Every day and night,
I wish I was your someone..."

Sweet, isn't it? Makes me wonder if everyone thinks that way when they like someone. I do. ^_^

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll... the supposed trinity of vices...
There's something inside all of us that makes us want to chase something evil. Simply coz it's evil. Whether they admit it to themselves or not, everyone has some habit or qruik about them that's there simply coz it's supposedly evil or shocking. I can stay away from sex. IMO, it's overrated. And yes, I'm don't have a one sided perspective on it, so bugger off with your morals and go look at something shiny or something.
(Wait... does this sex mean anything sexual, or good old fashioned coitus? hmm...)

The Drugs I've totally stayed away from all this while. I have always wondered what it would feel like... But never been curious enough to actually try anything... illegal. Maybe I'll work my way up to it sometime. What I DO have, is caffiene. I'm addicted to espressos. Maybe not addicted like I'm-gonna-shrivel-up-and-have-seizures-if-i-dont-have-caffiene addicted, but I certainly enjoy the boost I get. I don't get tired, I don't fall asleep, and best of all, my mind goes into overdrive. I've thought of amazing vistas and mind blowing travel sequences when I'm high on coffee alone... A certain ex of mine once said to me... "If you're like this when you're "normal".. I wonder what you'll see when you have LSD." Hehe. I'm wondering too!!

The rock and roll... Meant to signify the music of the new generation.. the music that the parents hate... Every kid has it... I do too. But I've never restricted myself to new age stuff... I enjoy psychedelic trance as much as I do Beethoven and Motzart. That, some people say, has to be the biggest paradox they've heard of. I say that those people can't appreciate music like it's meant to be. It takes a certain "thing" in the music to be pleasant. I've found good music in jazz, psy trance, classics, classic rock n'roll, modern rock n' roll, metal, electronica, afro chants.... :) Maybe I'm just a music whore, but I enjoy music a lot. There's a reason I always have some music playing in the background as often as possible in my life.

I am what I am, and I love what I am. There's sometimes some people tell me to change. I tried listening once. Disaterous results. I hated myself. I'm back to myself now. :) It's nice being able to talk about hyperactive chihuahuas again and not worry that people think I'm wierd. They all know it by now, I guess. :P But seriously... If there's anything I'd dread to be, ever, is to be normal. Normal is boring. That's been the one directive by which I've lived my life.

Fitting in has long stopped bothering me. I mean I don't wonder how to fit in any more. Although, that hasn't stopped my from worrying about that fact that I don't. *sigh* Guess I'm always gonna crave companionship in a place filled with people who think differently. It's not too bad. Different is good. But only as long as people have an open mind to different.

Another thing that bothers me is my weight. Well... not my weight. More like how I look. I wanna get rid of the awesomely huge tyre blessing my waist. It'll happen, I know it.. eventually... I've managed to lose my weight steadily, and comfortably. :)

Another things that bothers me is my inability to sort my feelings out about the girls I have crushes on. Having more than one girl in my life who I like is a rather novel situation for me... OR maybe I'm just messed up with my feelings again. It's an enjoyable ride, I'm sure I'm gonna laugh about as I reflect on later in my day. I've thought about why I can't convince myself that there could be happiness after confessing my feelings to the girl in question. I think it'll be wierd between us after that. I think that even if we did give it a shot, it won't work out. I think that everyone else is gonna keep teasing me about it. I think that I don't have what it takes to keep the relationship exciting enough for her. I think that it'll take an exceptionally accomodating and understanding girl to actually stay with me. Me, being as pig headed as I am, will not change myself too much for her. Well... actually I will... but that's only when I'm in a relationship. If I'm commited to someone... even if its for a week, I pull no stops to make our time together as amazing as possible. But I wont be changing unless I'm secure enough about what the girl thinks about me. I think that my idea of amazing and her idea of amazing might be different. I think that I prioritize relationships way too much, much more than her. I think I never have a nice enough opportunity to tell her anything about how I feel. I think that I shall probably never even have that kind of opportunity, simply coz there's no way to isolate myself with her. I think I'm just looking for excuses to keep myself from facing rejection again.

I'm not afraid of being reejcted... or am I?? I hold what I am, and who I am very dear and a rejection of that kinda translates into a rejection of my morals and values, and I guess that kind of a sentence comeing from someone who I've managed to like so much would be too crippling... maybe.. I dunno.

At the end of the day, I always tell myself that I have a great bunch of friends, and it is by no means necessary for me to be in a romantic relationship with any girl, atleast not yet, atleast not when she shows no signs of wanting the same...

So I keep telling myself...

Awww... who am I kidding? The only thing that goes on in my mind all the time is how she laughs, and how cute it looks, and how often the person making her laugh usually isnt me.

I've realised that all the notions of how things work in college are VERY different here in thakur. I'm gonna have to do some major reorganizing of my ideas sometime. Until then, I think I'll just sit back and admire the beauty from afar. :)

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


This was what I heard last night, while I was completing my assignments.  I've realised that I have an awesome music collection. :) 24 GB isn't a bad collection, is it? :)


Marilyn Manson - Angel with Scabbed Wings

Foo Fighters - Superman

Coldplay - Speed of Sound

Rabbit In The Moon - (Delerium) Euphoria (Divine Gothic Disco Mix)

Eagles-Hotel California

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

22 - How To Recognize Different Parts Of The Body.avi

U2 - Until The End Of The World

Kylie Minogue -in your eyes

Coldplay - A Whisper

Paul Van Dyk - Nothing But You (Club Mix)

No Doubt - Hella Good

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

Unkown - Try it baby

Evanescence - Lithium

Justine -I Love You (Remix)

Led zeppelin - Achilles last stand

Gwyneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis - Cruising Together

American Beauty - Main Theme

James Blunt- Cry

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